A while back, I took offence to being called "middle-aged." That seemed like a term for old people and certainly I did not qualify as an old person to anyone but my child who thinks anyone over 25 is old. I have prided myself on remaining youthful in appearance, attitude and interests. Most have no idea I am approaching my 50 birthday in just months. So how did I become middle-aged? The fact of the matter is that I AM!! Let me now say it with pride and conviction, I AM MIDDLE-AGED and there is nothing wrong with that.
The reality is that age is a physical reality but a mental choice. Yes I am almost 50, yes I have a few more pounds than I would like to carry around, yes, thank God for Garnier Neutriese #866 that hides those pesky grey hairs, and yes I do remember the 45 and 33 vinyl records, telephone party lines, S&H Green stamps, 8 track and cassette tapes, Ed Sullivan on Sunday nights in front of the old black and white TV and countless other relics from my past. However, the good news is that I REMEMBER!! Yes, I remember with a smile on my face and whenever some one sends one of those viral emails around that start with "remember when..." I admittedly read with great memories, smiles and occasionally audible laughter.
With this age comes confidence, expereince, insight, long time friendships, clarity, and a sense of purpose and of where I have come from. As much as we would like to frown on the actual number, label or even those grey strands, what we have gained is greater than what we have lost. Even in times of hardship, I can look back on my journey and know that better days are right around the corner because time, experience, and faith have taught me that. When I think I have nothing to show for how far I have come and the years, I look back on my dear friends who have shared laughter, tears, loss and celebrations with me for whom I would give the world and them for me. I cherish the young people, though nerve racking at times, who are part of my family and friend circle because there is a little piece of me and all who have been apart of their lives glimmering in their eyes and hearts.
My daughter chastises me whenever there is too much cleavage showing, when the hair is too bright or big, when the skirts are too short or the jeans too tight. God bless her for being my barometer. However, I am still kicking, sexy, and loving life so as long as I am doing it all with grace, sophistication and self-respect, that is all that matters. Bring on my animal print!! Besides, she may think I'm too much at times but her friends think I'm cool (and much younger than I am and most of their parents are).
The bottom-line is this, life is what you make it. If you see age as a limitation or the approach to the end of something, pull up your rocking hair and watch the sunset. If you're like me, live it, love it, dance while you can, laugh as loud as you want and celebrate you!
Inviting 50 with arms wide open...
Angel
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Have you met the "meanager"?
As I have mentioned before, I am the mother of a teen age girl. For that I should be given an award for the tolerance, patience, control/restraint, and overall maintenance of what little sanity I still possess.
There are many days that I question my parenting skills and even the basic communication skills I once prided myself for. After all, I used to run a global business comprised of people of all ethnicities, ages, social economic backgrounds, and education levels and was proficient in communicating the needs of the organization as well as our client's expectations to keep that well oiled machine in profitable forward motion. Why then is it so difficult to communicate with a 15 year old girl? She was taught English and understands sign language when necessary. So why does she look at me as if I am speaking an ancient Mayan language or some form of Sanskrit. On the rare occasion that her translators are in sync with mine, she pulls out the claws and the fangs appear and the venom begins to spew. Its as if a reenactment of the spinning head from the Exorcist takes place right before my very eyes.
In the past, I tried to do battle with the monster but at the peak of the screaming tantrum that we engaged in to see who could become the victor in a win-less battle, I could hear the insanity that prevailed. I decided to take a new approach and simply not accept the invitation to battle. I walk away now or simply state my disinterest in the discussion at that moment. What a liberating experience. Truth be told, I simply decided to be the adult I am and stop stooping to the teenager we had both become.
Once I rose above the crazy state of being, I discovered there were others who had been to this battlefield on the other side of Alice's looking glass. Other mothers that had been seduced by the need to control the uncontrollable in an uncontrollable moment. They shared their stories with me and then out of the insanity rose a phrase we all understood..."MEANAGER". It was all clear now. Boys are TEENAGERS and girls are MEANAGERS. It is an unfortunate journey they feel the need to take in seeking their independence and adulthood. The single greatest threat to their survival in this journey is their mothers. From their perspective, we stand in the way of their grabbing the golden ring. Our rules, curfews, judgement of their friends, and overall protective measures instigate and solicit the rearing of the monsters head.
If we can make it through this barren wasteland known as female adolescence, avoiding all the hormonal land mines, we will one day have sweet revenge when they first of all admit (at the age of 30 of course) that we were right and only did what we did because we loved them and they are better off as a result, but more importantly, when they have daughters of their own and are later subjected to the meanager of their very own. Karma, Karma!
In sanity,
Angel
There are many days that I question my parenting skills and even the basic communication skills I once prided myself for. After all, I used to run a global business comprised of people of all ethnicities, ages, social economic backgrounds, and education levels and was proficient in communicating the needs of the organization as well as our client's expectations to keep that well oiled machine in profitable forward motion. Why then is it so difficult to communicate with a 15 year old girl? She was taught English and understands sign language when necessary. So why does she look at me as if I am speaking an ancient Mayan language or some form of Sanskrit. On the rare occasion that her translators are in sync with mine, she pulls out the claws and the fangs appear and the venom begins to spew. Its as if a reenactment of the spinning head from the Exorcist takes place right before my very eyes.
In the past, I tried to do battle with the monster but at the peak of the screaming tantrum that we engaged in to see who could become the victor in a win-less battle, I could hear the insanity that prevailed. I decided to take a new approach and simply not accept the invitation to battle. I walk away now or simply state my disinterest in the discussion at that moment. What a liberating experience. Truth be told, I simply decided to be the adult I am and stop stooping to the teenager we had both become.
Once I rose above the crazy state of being, I discovered there were others who had been to this battlefield on the other side of Alice's looking glass. Other mothers that had been seduced by the need to control the uncontrollable in an uncontrollable moment. They shared their stories with me and then out of the insanity rose a phrase we all understood..."MEANAGER". It was all clear now. Boys are TEENAGERS and girls are MEANAGERS. It is an unfortunate journey they feel the need to take in seeking their independence and adulthood. The single greatest threat to their survival in this journey is their mothers. From their perspective, we stand in the way of their grabbing the golden ring. Our rules, curfews, judgement of their friends, and overall protective measures instigate and solicit the rearing of the monsters head.
If we can make it through this barren wasteland known as female adolescence, avoiding all the hormonal land mines, we will one day have sweet revenge when they first of all admit (at the age of 30 of course) that we were right and only did what we did because we loved them and they are better off as a result, but more importantly, when they have daughters of their own and are later subjected to the meanager of their very own. Karma, Karma!
In sanity,
Angel
Insecurity
It these times of loss, difficulty making ends meet and professional stagnation, one can find it hard to keep his or her head up. Self doubt creeps into every crevasse of your existence. Areas that you prided yourself on, where confidence was in abundance, you may now find yourself questioning "am I good enough".
It's at these times that you need to put the judger in his or her cage and lock the door. Stop looking at yourself through the distorted eyes of what you think others see and see yourself in the purest vision. See your inner beauty and the gifts that you have been given. Though you may have lost your job due to layoffs or cut backs, you may have to watch your pennies a little closer, you may have difficulty finding a new career path due to the tight job market, you may be beset with countless other set backs, you are still the person you were when all was in line with the universe. You still offer the wisdom you may have been known for to your friends. You still have great insight into the areas of professional expertise you were once praised for by your colleagues. You probably aren't as far from the proverbial "corner" where everyone tells you that next opportunity is awaiting ("something better is just around the corner").
Though you may find yourself down and living in what feels like a place of hopelessness and perpetual stagnation, take a deep breathe, start to list your strengths and positive attributes, read letters, cards, or emails that others have written about your greatness to remind yourself from where you have come, look yourself in the mirror and invite that strong, confident person you have lost somewhere along the way back into your existence. Know that you are still the bright shining star you have always been. Your vision has simply been blurred by the clouds of tough times. Furthermore, he or she is the person that will make you stronger for the journey, will guide you out of the clouds and is the strength that is always inside of you. Simply call your true self to the table and get to work. You'll be surprised who you might find there with you!
With confidence,
Angel
It's at these times that you need to put the judger in his or her cage and lock the door. Stop looking at yourself through the distorted eyes of what you think others see and see yourself in the purest vision. See your inner beauty and the gifts that you have been given. Though you may have lost your job due to layoffs or cut backs, you may have to watch your pennies a little closer, you may have difficulty finding a new career path due to the tight job market, you may be beset with countless other set backs, you are still the person you were when all was in line with the universe. You still offer the wisdom you may have been known for to your friends. You still have great insight into the areas of professional expertise you were once praised for by your colleagues. You probably aren't as far from the proverbial "corner" where everyone tells you that next opportunity is awaiting ("something better is just around the corner").
Though you may find yourself down and living in what feels like a place of hopelessness and perpetual stagnation, take a deep breathe, start to list your strengths and positive attributes, read letters, cards, or emails that others have written about your greatness to remind yourself from where you have come, look yourself in the mirror and invite that strong, confident person you have lost somewhere along the way back into your existence. Know that you are still the bright shining star you have always been. Your vision has simply been blurred by the clouds of tough times. Furthermore, he or she is the person that will make you stronger for the journey, will guide you out of the clouds and is the strength that is always inside of you. Simply call your true self to the table and get to work. You'll be surprised who you might find there with you!
With confidence,
Angel
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