As I have mentioned before, I am the mother of a teen age girl. For that I should be given an award for the tolerance, patience, control/restraint, and overall maintenance of what little sanity I still possess.
There are many days that I question my parenting skills and even the basic communication skills I once prided myself for. After all, I used to run a global business comprised of people of all ethnicities, ages, social economic backgrounds, and education levels and was proficient in communicating the needs of the organization as well as our client's expectations to keep that well oiled machine in profitable forward motion. Why then is it so difficult to communicate with a 15 year old girl? She was taught English and understands sign language when necessary. So why does she look at me as if I am speaking an ancient Mayan language or some form of Sanskrit. On the rare occasion that her translators are in sync with mine, she pulls out the claws and the fangs appear and the venom begins to spew. Its as if a reenactment of the spinning head from the Exorcist takes place right before my very eyes.
In the past, I tried to do battle with the monster but at the peak of the screaming tantrum that we engaged in to see who could become the victor in a win-less battle, I could hear the insanity that prevailed. I decided to take a new approach and simply not accept the invitation to battle. I walk away now or simply state my disinterest in the discussion at that moment. What a liberating experience. Truth be told, I simply decided to be the adult I am and stop stooping to the teenager we had both become.
Once I rose above the crazy state of being, I discovered there were others who had been to this battlefield on the other side of Alice's looking glass. Other mothers that had been seduced by the need to control the uncontrollable in an uncontrollable moment. They shared their stories with me and then out of the insanity rose a phrase we all understood..."MEANAGER". It was all clear now. Boys are TEENAGERS and girls are MEANAGERS. It is an unfortunate journey they feel the need to take in seeking their independence and adulthood. The single greatest threat to their survival in this journey is their mothers. From their perspective, we stand in the way of their grabbing the golden ring. Our rules, curfews, judgement of their friends, and overall protective measures instigate and solicit the rearing of the monsters head.
If we can make it through this barren wasteland known as female adolescence, avoiding all the hormonal land mines, we will one day have sweet revenge when they first of all admit (at the age of 30 of course) that we were right and only did what we did because we loved them and they are better off as a result, but more importantly, when they have daughters of their own and are later subjected to the meanager of their very own. Karma, Karma!
In sanity,
Angel
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4 comments:
Your wisdom shows on this one, Angel. I used to argue with my teenager too, until I realized she would always be better at being a teenager than me. So now I act my age -- 39!
I enjoy seeing your blog posts. Thanks for sending the link.
Janis
Angel,
Thanks for your thoughts. Try to remember back to the days that your mother had to deal with you as the "meanager"! It can help get through the times you are going through.
It takes two to argue...
C,
Thanks for the feedback. The struggle I had in using this strategy was in my generation we would have never thought, let alone acted out the behavior of a "meanager". There was way too much respect and frankly fear to go there. So, it is uncharted territory for me. I had to simply remember who the adult was and act like one.
Angel
It has been my experience that meanagers can be boys also. I think the mother-daughter, father-son relationship changes in the teen years. While my son was practically attached to me during his younger years, he started wanting to become his own man in his teens. Thus began the battle for alpha male supremacy in the household. Talk about meanager. My wife told me I was once sleeping on the couch and he walked by and wispered "I'm gonna kill him" while gesturing with his finger across his throat. YIKES! And he was generally a good kid. Straight A's in school. Few problems compared to the stories I hear. But we worked through it and now we love each other more than ever. However serious the problems seem, remember they are temporary, and they do return to sanity, and come back to love you again if you keep on loving them no matter what.
- Ken
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