If someone said something bad, insulting, or untrue about you, does simply saying it make it true? Do you rush to rebut it and offer evidence to the contrary? What drives either to respond? I have pondered this question for a while recently. I have been a spectator in a war of words between two individuals recently, accusations have been hurled, and the defender has felt the need to do exactly that, jump to the defense. The two questions that are forefront is why do people knowingly speak untruths and why do we take such offense when we know there is no substance to the poisonous words?
Here's my take on the issue. The one throwing the hatred does so to somehow lift him or her up at the expense of the one they are attacking. In some sad way, it makes that individual feel better and in some cases superior as the judger. It is as if they have decided they are above scrutiny themselves. They hold the morality yardstick and have been anointed with the authority to belittle another. The recipient of the accusations feels the immediate need to justify or defend him or herself even when they know the words are hollow and self-serving.
How about this perspective, if the accuser legitimately asked himself or herself what motivates me to say these things (usually emotion, hurt, lack of self-esteem, need for control, or revenge) and can I support the accusations with REAL evidence versus circumstantial or emotional rhetoric, why am I saying them? Furthermore, is there a better use of my time and energy or should I simply let it go because I know it not to be true. Focus on the "why" and work on that issue versus throwing hurtful words around. Remember, Karma!
Similarly, the accused should stop, take a deep breath and a personal inventory and ask, "is this or could it be true?" If there is even the smallest piece of truth, one might reflect on what he or she could do to rectify or improve the issue and consider the words, though painful, a catalyst to seek improvement. If after such a personal assessment it is found to be nothing more than a lie, it is time to let it go like balloons released in the air and move on. Know that at that point, it is not yours to own and those who know you best know that as well.
Sometimes it is he who speaks the loudest that has the most to protect and kept hidden. The person solid in his or her own truths sleeps well at night.
This I know to be true,
Angel
Monday, June 29, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Count your blessings
Are there days when it seems like if it weren't for bad news there would be no news at all? Does it seem like just as you overcome one challenge and take a deep breath, it's time to jump the next hurdle? Have your ever spoken these words, "if I could just get a break?" Well here is the good news, in order to have adversity in life you have to actually be ALIVE. Count that as your first blessing.
Here's my secret...don't see things as a "problem" but instead a challenge or an opportunity to learn something about yourself and the untapped strengths you possess. Don't ask "why me" but "why not me?" Know that to everything there is a beginning and an end. Circumstances are only perpetual or persistent if you decide not to take action. Decide NOT to be a victim. Take your power and joy back and stop giving it away to others or circumstances.
Consider looking at life like the proverbial card game. You are dealt a hand. Sometimes the cards are perfect and you smile. Other times they may be horrible and you can't wait to get rid of them. In most card games, you have the option to pull a card, decide to keep it to better your hand or discard it and hope for a better selection the next go around. So in life, you are dealt a rotten hand or card, you might have to hold on to it for a little while until you figure out a strategy to discard it and then eventually your turn comes and it's gone and that awful hand somehow begins to look a little better.
Someone once told me that you can visit pity land, just don't buy property there. It's true. All too often we stew in our misfortune or adversity and see only the negative aspects of the situation. If we started to look at each challenge as a lesson to be learned and worked to overcome the obstacle and learn the lesson, we might experience a little less stress, pain and fewer sleepless nights. Its really the man or woman who faults the universe for his or her problems that misses the true pearls of wisdom of life. It is the person who keeps his eyes open and on the prize despite how far or high it appears that reaps the harvest.
This is not just Pollyanna BS. I have had my share of shortfalls this last year and I have thrown my share of pity parties. However, every time I give myself permission to feel down for one day but get up and get going the next day, things just seem to work out. I have been down to my last penny and just as I exhale and concede that "it is what it is", the tables turn and a few more bucks hit my bank account and another bill is paid. When I allow my head to be cleansed of the thoughts of inadequacy and failure, space is made way for strategy development and clear thought. I find that counting my blessings is like adding fuel to an empty tank. No matter how depleted I feel, the fact remains, I have a roof over my head, I have friends and family who love me, I am a survivor, I have skills and talents, I can do most anything I set my mind to. It seems, in no time thereafter, I'm off like the EverReady Bunny...
So my friend life is full of choices, choose to see your glass as half full versus half empty and simply exude gratitude for even having a glass to begin with.
With abundance,
Angel
Here's my secret...don't see things as a "problem" but instead a challenge or an opportunity to learn something about yourself and the untapped strengths you possess. Don't ask "why me" but "why not me?" Know that to everything there is a beginning and an end. Circumstances are only perpetual or persistent if you decide not to take action. Decide NOT to be a victim. Take your power and joy back and stop giving it away to others or circumstances.
Consider looking at life like the proverbial card game. You are dealt a hand. Sometimes the cards are perfect and you smile. Other times they may be horrible and you can't wait to get rid of them. In most card games, you have the option to pull a card, decide to keep it to better your hand or discard it and hope for a better selection the next go around. So in life, you are dealt a rotten hand or card, you might have to hold on to it for a little while until you figure out a strategy to discard it and then eventually your turn comes and it's gone and that awful hand somehow begins to look a little better.
Someone once told me that you can visit pity land, just don't buy property there. It's true. All too often we stew in our misfortune or adversity and see only the negative aspects of the situation. If we started to look at each challenge as a lesson to be learned and worked to overcome the obstacle and learn the lesson, we might experience a little less stress, pain and fewer sleepless nights. Its really the man or woman who faults the universe for his or her problems that misses the true pearls of wisdom of life. It is the person who keeps his eyes open and on the prize despite how far or high it appears that reaps the harvest.
This is not just Pollyanna BS. I have had my share of shortfalls this last year and I have thrown my share of pity parties. However, every time I give myself permission to feel down for one day but get up and get going the next day, things just seem to work out. I have been down to my last penny and just as I exhale and concede that "it is what it is", the tables turn and a few more bucks hit my bank account and another bill is paid. When I allow my head to be cleansed of the thoughts of inadequacy and failure, space is made way for strategy development and clear thought. I find that counting my blessings is like adding fuel to an empty tank. No matter how depleted I feel, the fact remains, I have a roof over my head, I have friends and family who love me, I am a survivor, I have skills and talents, I can do most anything I set my mind to. It seems, in no time thereafter, I'm off like the EverReady Bunny...
So my friend life is full of choices, choose to see your glass as half full versus half empty and simply exude gratitude for even having a glass to begin with.
With abundance,
Angel
Monday, June 8, 2009
Walking the Talk...
Well, in keeping with my last post, I am staying on task. Two months ago, I conducted a tele-seminar entitled, "Charting Your Path From Here." It was received positively by my audience. Since then, I have been trying to decide what to do next with this material. Should I conduct another seminar, parlay it into a presentation to be offered to women's organizations, consider expanding upon it and roll it into a series? The pivotal question... "What next?"
I facilitate a monthly women's group in the Twin Cities called Women in Transition where the members come from all over the cities to share information, resources and generally seek support related to the transitions women over 40 are go through. One of the members expressed frustration and a feeling of stagnation. She said she had lost her passion and wanted to know if I had any suggestions as to how to get it back; an idea of where to begin to find herself again. I told her I had something that might get her started again. The next day I sent her the script from the tele-seminar. I haven't heard from her on how it worked for her yet, we meet again on Wednesday, however, I am certain there was at least a small pearl she gained if she actually did the exercise. So in reflection on why I originally created the seminar and related exercise and having shared it with this woman, I decided the natural progression was to make it an exercise that others could do independently. So today I made it into a finished work with graphics and all the other marketing bells and whistles and to top it off, I filed for my first published work copyright.
Giving life to my work and making it "real" really felt exciting. It was the push I needed to keep moving forward. I will be looking for printing options and then will add it as an actual product to my website (www.angeluddin.com) for sale. I will promote it with women's organizations and will share it with everyone who will listen. This may have been the very thing that will kick start both my practice as well as my getting back to writing my book. So tell me, what have you done to "walk your talk" lately? Are you living your passion? If not, why and when will you "kick start" your life?
Jazzed and loving it!
Angel
I facilitate a monthly women's group in the Twin Cities called Women in Transition where the members come from all over the cities to share information, resources and generally seek support related to the transitions women over 40 are go through. One of the members expressed frustration and a feeling of stagnation. She said she had lost her passion and wanted to know if I had any suggestions as to how to get it back; an idea of where to begin to find herself again. I told her I had something that might get her started again. The next day I sent her the script from the tele-seminar. I haven't heard from her on how it worked for her yet, we meet again on Wednesday, however, I am certain there was at least a small pearl she gained if she actually did the exercise. So in reflection on why I originally created the seminar and related exercise and having shared it with this woman, I decided the natural progression was to make it an exercise that others could do independently. So today I made it into a finished work with graphics and all the other marketing bells and whistles and to top it off, I filed for my first published work copyright.
Giving life to my work and making it "real" really felt exciting. It was the push I needed to keep moving forward. I will be looking for printing options and then will add it as an actual product to my website (www.angeluddin.com) for sale. I will promote it with women's organizations and will share it with everyone who will listen. This may have been the very thing that will kick start both my practice as well as my getting back to writing my book. So tell me, what have you done to "walk your talk" lately? Are you living your passion? If not, why and when will you "kick start" your life?
Jazzed and loving it!
Angel
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
It's been too long
Well, it's obviously been too long since my last post. It has taken me the past 15 minutes just to get past the password gatekeeper of Google to even access my blog. That's when you know you have been gone too long.
Well much as happened since my last entry. Let me start by saying, even a life coach needs a life coach to keep him/her on track. I am the poster child for "Women in Transition" hence my passion for what I do. I have had my share of adversity and it just keeps coming. However, RESILIENCE is the mantra of my life at this point. After two and a half years of nurturing my life long dream to own my own gift shop, the economic downturn left me with no other alternative but to shut the doors in February. Yes, I became one of the many statistics. You know, most small businesses either rise or fail in the first 2.5 years and if they make it to the fifth year they usually begin to turn a profit. Well, yes I had to close the doors but in keeping with the resilience theme, I have no regrets and do not see it as a failed business venture. A large share of my life savings are now depleted and I some days struggle but I would do it all again (with modifications of course, you should learn from your mistakes, shouldn't you). Here's why; I was blessed to have met so many great people, I learned as I taught, new doors opened that otherwise might not had I taken a different path and most importantly, as I got up each morning, I enjoyed where I was going and what I was doing. It's called following your passion.
So here I sit today recalibrating. I have gotten side tracked as a result of outside influences such as bill collector's call, the mortgage payment that yells from the mail box, the teenage daughter that pushes every button until she gets what she wants, and a assortment of other reasons. I took two jobs after closing my shop to make ends meet, one that I was over qualified for but it was a paycheck and benefits and the other which was simply a panic response. I finally came to the realization that if I remained focused and followed my passion, I could make a living wage doing what I love, what I'm damn good at and what helps others. Here's were the life coach comes in...Stop running from your future, your destiny and using the gifts you have been given because there are little white envelopes yelling in the mailbox. Get back on path, walk the talk, put your energies where they belong and the little voices from the mailbox will begin to simply say "thank you for your payment" and those gray hairs on your temples will be from some other source.
So today, I am back in the saddle. I am writing, I am getting to sharing my experiences so that others might benefit, I am getting out of my office inside the safety of my home and meeting new people and offering my services and I most importantly am smiling. Life is for living and victims are made not born. What a lovely day this and the ones to come will be with this new and fresh outlook I have on life. Come join me on the journey and find your own path versus sitting on the sidelines whining.
A very dear friend told me recently, "You have to have a test to have a testimony!!" and this is mine. Amen.
Well much as happened since my last entry. Let me start by saying, even a life coach needs a life coach to keep him/her on track. I am the poster child for "Women in Transition" hence my passion for what I do. I have had my share of adversity and it just keeps coming. However, RESILIENCE is the mantra of my life at this point. After two and a half years of nurturing my life long dream to own my own gift shop, the economic downturn left me with no other alternative but to shut the doors in February. Yes, I became one of the many statistics. You know, most small businesses either rise or fail in the first 2.5 years and if they make it to the fifth year they usually begin to turn a profit. Well, yes I had to close the doors but in keeping with the resilience theme, I have no regrets and do not see it as a failed business venture. A large share of my life savings are now depleted and I some days struggle but I would do it all again (with modifications of course, you should learn from your mistakes, shouldn't you). Here's why; I was blessed to have met so many great people, I learned as I taught, new doors opened that otherwise might not had I taken a different path and most importantly, as I got up each morning, I enjoyed where I was going and what I was doing. It's called following your passion.
So here I sit today recalibrating. I have gotten side tracked as a result of outside influences such as bill collector's call, the mortgage payment that yells from the mail box, the teenage daughter that pushes every button until she gets what she wants, and a assortment of other reasons. I took two jobs after closing my shop to make ends meet, one that I was over qualified for but it was a paycheck and benefits and the other which was simply a panic response. I finally came to the realization that if I remained focused and followed my passion, I could make a living wage doing what I love, what I'm damn good at and what helps others. Here's were the life coach comes in...Stop running from your future, your destiny and using the gifts you have been given because there are little white envelopes yelling in the mailbox. Get back on path, walk the talk, put your energies where they belong and the little voices from the mailbox will begin to simply say "thank you for your payment" and those gray hairs on your temples will be from some other source.
So today, I am back in the saddle. I am writing, I am getting to sharing my experiences so that others might benefit, I am getting out of my office inside the safety of my home and meeting new people and offering my services and I most importantly am smiling. Life is for living and victims are made not born. What a lovely day this and the ones to come will be with this new and fresh outlook I have on life. Come join me on the journey and find your own path versus sitting on the sidelines whining.
A very dear friend told me recently, "You have to have a test to have a testimony!!" and this is mine. Amen.
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