As I have mentioned before, I am the mother of a teen age girl. For that I should be given an award for the tolerance, patience, control/restraint, and overall maintenance of what little sanity I still possess.
There are many days that I question my parenting skills and even the basic communication skills I once prided myself for. After all, I used to run a global business comprised of people of all ethnicities, ages, social economic backgrounds, and education levels and was proficient in communicating the needs of the organization as well as our client's expectations to keep that well oiled machine in profitable forward motion. Why then is it so difficult to communicate with a 15 year old girl? She was taught English and understands sign language when necessary. So why does she look at me as if I am speaking an ancient Mayan language or some form of Sanskrit. On the rare occasion that her translators are in sync with mine, she pulls out the claws and the fangs appear and the venom begins to spew. Its as if a reenactment of the spinning head from the Exorcist takes place right before my very eyes.
In the past, I tried to do battle with the monster but at the peak of the screaming tantrum that we engaged in to see who could become the victor in a win-less battle, I could hear the insanity that prevailed. I decided to take a new approach and simply not accept the invitation to battle. I walk away now or simply state my disinterest in the discussion at that moment. What a liberating experience. Truth be told, I simply decided to be the adult I am and stop stooping to the teenager we had both become.
Once I rose above the crazy state of being, I discovered there were others who had been to this battlefield on the other side of Alice's looking glass. Other mothers that had been seduced by the need to control the uncontrollable in an uncontrollable moment. They shared their stories with me and then out of the insanity rose a phrase we all understood..."MEANAGER". It was all clear now. Boys are TEENAGERS and girls are MEANAGERS. It is an unfortunate journey they feel the need to take in seeking their independence and adulthood. The single greatest threat to their survival in this journey is their mothers. From their perspective, we stand in the way of their grabbing the golden ring. Our rules, curfews, judgement of their friends, and overall protective measures instigate and solicit the rearing of the monsters head.
If we can make it through this barren wasteland known as female adolescence, avoiding all the hormonal land mines, we will one day have sweet revenge when they first of all admit (at the age of 30 of course) that we were right and only did what we did because we loved them and they are better off as a result, but more importantly, when they have daughters of their own and are later subjected to the meanager of their very own. Karma, Karma!
In sanity,
Angel
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Insecurity
It these times of loss, difficulty making ends meet and professional stagnation, one can find it hard to keep his or her head up. Self doubt creeps into every crevasse of your existence. Areas that you prided yourself on, where confidence was in abundance, you may now find yourself questioning "am I good enough".
It's at these times that you need to put the judger in his or her cage and lock the door. Stop looking at yourself through the distorted eyes of what you think others see and see yourself in the purest vision. See your inner beauty and the gifts that you have been given. Though you may have lost your job due to layoffs or cut backs, you may have to watch your pennies a little closer, you may have difficulty finding a new career path due to the tight job market, you may be beset with countless other set backs, you are still the person you were when all was in line with the universe. You still offer the wisdom you may have been known for to your friends. You still have great insight into the areas of professional expertise you were once praised for by your colleagues. You probably aren't as far from the proverbial "corner" where everyone tells you that next opportunity is awaiting ("something better is just around the corner").
Though you may find yourself down and living in what feels like a place of hopelessness and perpetual stagnation, take a deep breathe, start to list your strengths and positive attributes, read letters, cards, or emails that others have written about your greatness to remind yourself from where you have come, look yourself in the mirror and invite that strong, confident person you have lost somewhere along the way back into your existence. Know that you are still the bright shining star you have always been. Your vision has simply been blurred by the clouds of tough times. Furthermore, he or she is the person that will make you stronger for the journey, will guide you out of the clouds and is the strength that is always inside of you. Simply call your true self to the table and get to work. You'll be surprised who you might find there with you!
With confidence,
Angel
It's at these times that you need to put the judger in his or her cage and lock the door. Stop looking at yourself through the distorted eyes of what you think others see and see yourself in the purest vision. See your inner beauty and the gifts that you have been given. Though you may have lost your job due to layoffs or cut backs, you may have to watch your pennies a little closer, you may have difficulty finding a new career path due to the tight job market, you may be beset with countless other set backs, you are still the person you were when all was in line with the universe. You still offer the wisdom you may have been known for to your friends. You still have great insight into the areas of professional expertise you were once praised for by your colleagues. You probably aren't as far from the proverbial "corner" where everyone tells you that next opportunity is awaiting ("something better is just around the corner").
Though you may find yourself down and living in what feels like a place of hopelessness and perpetual stagnation, take a deep breathe, start to list your strengths and positive attributes, read letters, cards, or emails that others have written about your greatness to remind yourself from where you have come, look yourself in the mirror and invite that strong, confident person you have lost somewhere along the way back into your existence. Know that you are still the bright shining star you have always been. Your vision has simply been blurred by the clouds of tough times. Furthermore, he or she is the person that will make you stronger for the journey, will guide you out of the clouds and is the strength that is always inside of you. Simply call your true self to the table and get to work. You'll be surprised who you might find there with you!
With confidence,
Angel
Monday, June 29, 2009
What are your truths?
If someone said something bad, insulting, or untrue about you, does simply saying it make it true? Do you rush to rebut it and offer evidence to the contrary? What drives either to respond? I have pondered this question for a while recently. I have been a spectator in a war of words between two individuals recently, accusations have been hurled, and the defender has felt the need to do exactly that, jump to the defense. The two questions that are forefront is why do people knowingly speak untruths and why do we take such offense when we know there is no substance to the poisonous words?
Here's my take on the issue. The one throwing the hatred does so to somehow lift him or her up at the expense of the one they are attacking. In some sad way, it makes that individual feel better and in some cases superior as the judger. It is as if they have decided they are above scrutiny themselves. They hold the morality yardstick and have been anointed with the authority to belittle another. The recipient of the accusations feels the immediate need to justify or defend him or herself even when they know the words are hollow and self-serving.
How about this perspective, if the accuser legitimately asked himself or herself what motivates me to say these things (usually emotion, hurt, lack of self-esteem, need for control, or revenge) and can I support the accusations with REAL evidence versus circumstantial or emotional rhetoric, why am I saying them? Furthermore, is there a better use of my time and energy or should I simply let it go because I know it not to be true. Focus on the "why" and work on that issue versus throwing hurtful words around. Remember, Karma!
Similarly, the accused should stop, take a deep breath and a personal inventory and ask, "is this or could it be true?" If there is even the smallest piece of truth, one might reflect on what he or she could do to rectify or improve the issue and consider the words, though painful, a catalyst to seek improvement. If after such a personal assessment it is found to be nothing more than a lie, it is time to let it go like balloons released in the air and move on. Know that at that point, it is not yours to own and those who know you best know that as well.
Sometimes it is he who speaks the loudest that has the most to protect and kept hidden. The person solid in his or her own truths sleeps well at night.
This I know to be true,
Angel
Here's my take on the issue. The one throwing the hatred does so to somehow lift him or her up at the expense of the one they are attacking. In some sad way, it makes that individual feel better and in some cases superior as the judger. It is as if they have decided they are above scrutiny themselves. They hold the morality yardstick and have been anointed with the authority to belittle another. The recipient of the accusations feels the immediate need to justify or defend him or herself even when they know the words are hollow and self-serving.
How about this perspective, if the accuser legitimately asked himself or herself what motivates me to say these things (usually emotion, hurt, lack of self-esteem, need for control, or revenge) and can I support the accusations with REAL evidence versus circumstantial or emotional rhetoric, why am I saying them? Furthermore, is there a better use of my time and energy or should I simply let it go because I know it not to be true. Focus on the "why" and work on that issue versus throwing hurtful words around. Remember, Karma!
Similarly, the accused should stop, take a deep breath and a personal inventory and ask, "is this or could it be true?" If there is even the smallest piece of truth, one might reflect on what he or she could do to rectify or improve the issue and consider the words, though painful, a catalyst to seek improvement. If after such a personal assessment it is found to be nothing more than a lie, it is time to let it go like balloons released in the air and move on. Know that at that point, it is not yours to own and those who know you best know that as well.
Sometimes it is he who speaks the loudest that has the most to protect and kept hidden. The person solid in his or her own truths sleeps well at night.
This I know to be true,
Angel
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Count your blessings
Are there days when it seems like if it weren't for bad news there would be no news at all? Does it seem like just as you overcome one challenge and take a deep breath, it's time to jump the next hurdle? Have your ever spoken these words, "if I could just get a break?" Well here is the good news, in order to have adversity in life you have to actually be ALIVE. Count that as your first blessing.
Here's my secret...don't see things as a "problem" but instead a challenge or an opportunity to learn something about yourself and the untapped strengths you possess. Don't ask "why me" but "why not me?" Know that to everything there is a beginning and an end. Circumstances are only perpetual or persistent if you decide not to take action. Decide NOT to be a victim. Take your power and joy back and stop giving it away to others or circumstances.
Consider looking at life like the proverbial card game. You are dealt a hand. Sometimes the cards are perfect and you smile. Other times they may be horrible and you can't wait to get rid of them. In most card games, you have the option to pull a card, decide to keep it to better your hand or discard it and hope for a better selection the next go around. So in life, you are dealt a rotten hand or card, you might have to hold on to it for a little while until you figure out a strategy to discard it and then eventually your turn comes and it's gone and that awful hand somehow begins to look a little better.
Someone once told me that you can visit pity land, just don't buy property there. It's true. All too often we stew in our misfortune or adversity and see only the negative aspects of the situation. If we started to look at each challenge as a lesson to be learned and worked to overcome the obstacle and learn the lesson, we might experience a little less stress, pain and fewer sleepless nights. Its really the man or woman who faults the universe for his or her problems that misses the true pearls of wisdom of life. It is the person who keeps his eyes open and on the prize despite how far or high it appears that reaps the harvest.
This is not just Pollyanna BS. I have had my share of shortfalls this last year and I have thrown my share of pity parties. However, every time I give myself permission to feel down for one day but get up and get going the next day, things just seem to work out. I have been down to my last penny and just as I exhale and concede that "it is what it is", the tables turn and a few more bucks hit my bank account and another bill is paid. When I allow my head to be cleansed of the thoughts of inadequacy and failure, space is made way for strategy development and clear thought. I find that counting my blessings is like adding fuel to an empty tank. No matter how depleted I feel, the fact remains, I have a roof over my head, I have friends and family who love me, I am a survivor, I have skills and talents, I can do most anything I set my mind to. It seems, in no time thereafter, I'm off like the EverReady Bunny...
So my friend life is full of choices, choose to see your glass as half full versus half empty and simply exude gratitude for even having a glass to begin with.
With abundance,
Angel
Here's my secret...don't see things as a "problem" but instead a challenge or an opportunity to learn something about yourself and the untapped strengths you possess. Don't ask "why me" but "why not me?" Know that to everything there is a beginning and an end. Circumstances are only perpetual or persistent if you decide not to take action. Decide NOT to be a victim. Take your power and joy back and stop giving it away to others or circumstances.
Consider looking at life like the proverbial card game. You are dealt a hand. Sometimes the cards are perfect and you smile. Other times they may be horrible and you can't wait to get rid of them. In most card games, you have the option to pull a card, decide to keep it to better your hand or discard it and hope for a better selection the next go around. So in life, you are dealt a rotten hand or card, you might have to hold on to it for a little while until you figure out a strategy to discard it and then eventually your turn comes and it's gone and that awful hand somehow begins to look a little better.
Someone once told me that you can visit pity land, just don't buy property there. It's true. All too often we stew in our misfortune or adversity and see only the negative aspects of the situation. If we started to look at each challenge as a lesson to be learned and worked to overcome the obstacle and learn the lesson, we might experience a little less stress, pain and fewer sleepless nights. Its really the man or woman who faults the universe for his or her problems that misses the true pearls of wisdom of life. It is the person who keeps his eyes open and on the prize despite how far or high it appears that reaps the harvest.
This is not just Pollyanna BS. I have had my share of shortfalls this last year and I have thrown my share of pity parties. However, every time I give myself permission to feel down for one day but get up and get going the next day, things just seem to work out. I have been down to my last penny and just as I exhale and concede that "it is what it is", the tables turn and a few more bucks hit my bank account and another bill is paid. When I allow my head to be cleansed of the thoughts of inadequacy and failure, space is made way for strategy development and clear thought. I find that counting my blessings is like adding fuel to an empty tank. No matter how depleted I feel, the fact remains, I have a roof over my head, I have friends and family who love me, I am a survivor, I have skills and talents, I can do most anything I set my mind to. It seems, in no time thereafter, I'm off like the EverReady Bunny...
So my friend life is full of choices, choose to see your glass as half full versus half empty and simply exude gratitude for even having a glass to begin with.
With abundance,
Angel
Monday, June 8, 2009
Walking the Talk...
Well, in keeping with my last post, I am staying on task. Two months ago, I conducted a tele-seminar entitled, "Charting Your Path From Here." It was received positively by my audience. Since then, I have been trying to decide what to do next with this material. Should I conduct another seminar, parlay it into a presentation to be offered to women's organizations, consider expanding upon it and roll it into a series? The pivotal question... "What next?"
I facilitate a monthly women's group in the Twin Cities called Women in Transition where the members come from all over the cities to share information, resources and generally seek support related to the transitions women over 40 are go through. One of the members expressed frustration and a feeling of stagnation. She said she had lost her passion and wanted to know if I had any suggestions as to how to get it back; an idea of where to begin to find herself again. I told her I had something that might get her started again. The next day I sent her the script from the tele-seminar. I haven't heard from her on how it worked for her yet, we meet again on Wednesday, however, I am certain there was at least a small pearl she gained if she actually did the exercise. So in reflection on why I originally created the seminar and related exercise and having shared it with this woman, I decided the natural progression was to make it an exercise that others could do independently. So today I made it into a finished work with graphics and all the other marketing bells and whistles and to top it off, I filed for my first published work copyright.
Giving life to my work and making it "real" really felt exciting. It was the push I needed to keep moving forward. I will be looking for printing options and then will add it as an actual product to my website (www.angeluddin.com) for sale. I will promote it with women's organizations and will share it with everyone who will listen. This may have been the very thing that will kick start both my practice as well as my getting back to writing my book. So tell me, what have you done to "walk your talk" lately? Are you living your passion? If not, why and when will you "kick start" your life?
Jazzed and loving it!
Angel
I facilitate a monthly women's group in the Twin Cities called Women in Transition where the members come from all over the cities to share information, resources and generally seek support related to the transitions women over 40 are go through. One of the members expressed frustration and a feeling of stagnation. She said she had lost her passion and wanted to know if I had any suggestions as to how to get it back; an idea of where to begin to find herself again. I told her I had something that might get her started again. The next day I sent her the script from the tele-seminar. I haven't heard from her on how it worked for her yet, we meet again on Wednesday, however, I am certain there was at least a small pearl she gained if she actually did the exercise. So in reflection on why I originally created the seminar and related exercise and having shared it with this woman, I decided the natural progression was to make it an exercise that others could do independently. So today I made it into a finished work with graphics and all the other marketing bells and whistles and to top it off, I filed for my first published work copyright.
Giving life to my work and making it "real" really felt exciting. It was the push I needed to keep moving forward. I will be looking for printing options and then will add it as an actual product to my website (www.angeluddin.com) for sale. I will promote it with women's organizations and will share it with everyone who will listen. This may have been the very thing that will kick start both my practice as well as my getting back to writing my book. So tell me, what have you done to "walk your talk" lately? Are you living your passion? If not, why and when will you "kick start" your life?
Jazzed and loving it!
Angel
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
It's been too long
Well, it's obviously been too long since my last post. It has taken me the past 15 minutes just to get past the password gatekeeper of Google to even access my blog. That's when you know you have been gone too long.
Well much as happened since my last entry. Let me start by saying, even a life coach needs a life coach to keep him/her on track. I am the poster child for "Women in Transition" hence my passion for what I do. I have had my share of adversity and it just keeps coming. However, RESILIENCE is the mantra of my life at this point. After two and a half years of nurturing my life long dream to own my own gift shop, the economic downturn left me with no other alternative but to shut the doors in February. Yes, I became one of the many statistics. You know, most small businesses either rise or fail in the first 2.5 years and if they make it to the fifth year they usually begin to turn a profit. Well, yes I had to close the doors but in keeping with the resilience theme, I have no regrets and do not see it as a failed business venture. A large share of my life savings are now depleted and I some days struggle but I would do it all again (with modifications of course, you should learn from your mistakes, shouldn't you). Here's why; I was blessed to have met so many great people, I learned as I taught, new doors opened that otherwise might not had I taken a different path and most importantly, as I got up each morning, I enjoyed where I was going and what I was doing. It's called following your passion.
So here I sit today recalibrating. I have gotten side tracked as a result of outside influences such as bill collector's call, the mortgage payment that yells from the mail box, the teenage daughter that pushes every button until she gets what she wants, and a assortment of other reasons. I took two jobs after closing my shop to make ends meet, one that I was over qualified for but it was a paycheck and benefits and the other which was simply a panic response. I finally came to the realization that if I remained focused and followed my passion, I could make a living wage doing what I love, what I'm damn good at and what helps others. Here's were the life coach comes in...Stop running from your future, your destiny and using the gifts you have been given because there are little white envelopes yelling in the mailbox. Get back on path, walk the talk, put your energies where they belong and the little voices from the mailbox will begin to simply say "thank you for your payment" and those gray hairs on your temples will be from some other source.
So today, I am back in the saddle. I am writing, I am getting to sharing my experiences so that others might benefit, I am getting out of my office inside the safety of my home and meeting new people and offering my services and I most importantly am smiling. Life is for living and victims are made not born. What a lovely day this and the ones to come will be with this new and fresh outlook I have on life. Come join me on the journey and find your own path versus sitting on the sidelines whining.
A very dear friend told me recently, "You have to have a test to have a testimony!!" and this is mine. Amen.
Well much as happened since my last entry. Let me start by saying, even a life coach needs a life coach to keep him/her on track. I am the poster child for "Women in Transition" hence my passion for what I do. I have had my share of adversity and it just keeps coming. However, RESILIENCE is the mantra of my life at this point. After two and a half years of nurturing my life long dream to own my own gift shop, the economic downturn left me with no other alternative but to shut the doors in February. Yes, I became one of the many statistics. You know, most small businesses either rise or fail in the first 2.5 years and if they make it to the fifth year they usually begin to turn a profit. Well, yes I had to close the doors but in keeping with the resilience theme, I have no regrets and do not see it as a failed business venture. A large share of my life savings are now depleted and I some days struggle but I would do it all again (with modifications of course, you should learn from your mistakes, shouldn't you). Here's why; I was blessed to have met so many great people, I learned as I taught, new doors opened that otherwise might not had I taken a different path and most importantly, as I got up each morning, I enjoyed where I was going and what I was doing. It's called following your passion.
So here I sit today recalibrating. I have gotten side tracked as a result of outside influences such as bill collector's call, the mortgage payment that yells from the mail box, the teenage daughter that pushes every button until she gets what she wants, and a assortment of other reasons. I took two jobs after closing my shop to make ends meet, one that I was over qualified for but it was a paycheck and benefits and the other which was simply a panic response. I finally came to the realization that if I remained focused and followed my passion, I could make a living wage doing what I love, what I'm damn good at and what helps others. Here's were the life coach comes in...Stop running from your future, your destiny and using the gifts you have been given because there are little white envelopes yelling in the mailbox. Get back on path, walk the talk, put your energies where they belong and the little voices from the mailbox will begin to simply say "thank you for your payment" and those gray hairs on your temples will be from some other source.
So today, I am back in the saddle. I am writing, I am getting to sharing my experiences so that others might benefit, I am getting out of my office inside the safety of my home and meeting new people and offering my services and I most importantly am smiling. Life is for living and victims are made not born. What a lovely day this and the ones to come will be with this new and fresh outlook I have on life. Come join me on the journey and find your own path versus sitting on the sidelines whining.
A very dear friend told me recently, "You have to have a test to have a testimony!!" and this is mine. Amen.
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