What are your truths?

If someone said something bad, insulting, or untrue about you, does simply saying it make it true? Do you rush to rebut it and offer evidence to the contrary? What drives either to respond? I have pondered this question for a while recently. I have been a spectator in a war of words between two individuals recently, accusations have been hurled, and the defender has felt the need to do exactly that, jump to the defense. The two questions that are forefront is why do people knowingly speak untruths and why do we take such offense when we know there is no substance to the poisonous words?

Here's my take on the issue. The one throwing the hatred does so to somehow lift him or her up at the expense of the one they are attacking. In some sad way, it makes that individual feel better and in some cases superior as the judger. It is as if they have decided they are above scrutiny themselves. They hold the morality yardstick and have been anointed with the authority to belittle another. The recipient of the accusations feels the immediate need to justify or defend him or herself even when they know the words are hollow and self-serving.

How about this perspective, if the accuser legitimately asked himself or herself what motivates me to say these things (usually emotion, hurt, lack of self-esteem, need for control, or revenge) and can I support the accusations with REAL evidence versus circumstantial or emotional rhetoric, why am I saying them? Furthermore, is there a better use of my time and energy or should I simply let it go because I know it not to be true. Focus on the "why" and work on that issue versus throwing hurtful words around. Remember, Karma!

Similarly, the accused should stop, take a deep breath and a personal inventory and ask, "is this or could it be true?" If there is even the smallest piece of truth, one might reflect on what he or she could do to rectify or improve the issue and consider the words, though painful, a catalyst to seek improvement. If after such a personal assessment it is found to be nothing more than a lie, it is time to let it go like balloons released in the air and move on. Know that at that point, it is not yours to own and those who know you best know that as well.

Sometimes it is he who speaks the loudest that has the most to protect and kept hidden. The person solid in his or her own truths sleeps well at night.

This I know to be true,


Angel